What Do You Want?
by Marije Miller

Originally published on Marketing-Seek.com, June 14, 2002

Last September changed us all. It changed us in ways we are only now slowly realizing and dealing with. In my practice as a Personal Coach I notice people are looking for new ways to give meaning to their life. Their focus has changed, from accumulating stuff to struggling to find a more comfortable balance between work, family and personal desires. And this is where their panic sets in: "How can I do what I want to do, when I'm stuck in this job, relationship or financial situation?"

Particularly during those big life changes we often become very uncomfortable. For instance, when you've never been on a Costa Rican road before, driving down one is a completely new experience. Full of bumps and potholes and wild animals that cross your path without any regard for oncoming traffic. No wonder you're on guard! Now picture someone there who reads your map, who keeps your focus on the road in front of you and helps you through the fences and over the bumps… How much faster will you get to your destination? Which other places would you be able to reach? How much better will you enjoy and experience the ride?

The same things happen in your life: any new experience, circumstance or behavior can create that tight knot in your stomach. My belief as a coach is that people are infinitely creative and resourceful, but that they sometimes feel stuck or overwhelmed by their circumstances. When that happens, a coach can help you see your situation from a different perspective. With support and useful strategies a whole new area of opportunities opens up for you. With it you can find and recover that balance and create the successes in life you are looking for.

Let me give you an example of one client's story. Fiona* shared with me that her life was in tremendous turmoil: not only was her second marriage about to end, her practice as a holistic healer was dwindling and her son had left for college. All these things happened simultaneously and left her feeling incredibly lonely. She felt it so deep, she cried while we were on the phone. Now, coaching is not like therapy: we don't try to heal the past. What we did instead, was look for ways to deal with the pain she experienced. I asked her if she had ever experienced these feelings before. What was the situation like, then? She told me about how, after her first divorce, she and her son became 'best friends' and that she missed that connection with him. Fiona talked about how she had used her work in the past to fill the lonely times, but that her lack of business had reopened that space again. Finally, she commented on how her connections with her friends needed to be planned and scheduled weeks in advance… "People just are so busy with their life," she said. At this, she stopped herself and a little light went on in her mind. She suddenly realized exactly what she had been looking for and where she would be able to find it. At the end of our conversation Fiona had made the decision to book a ticket to visit her Aunt, who lived three states away from her. She had always felt a strong connection with her and had received enormous support from her, so she chose to spend some time there to review her life. Her visit proved so encouraging that she found a new apartment near her Aunt, from where she will rebuild her holistic practice!

So here is my question for you, to ponder and play with for the next week: What would you do if you weren't afraid? Sit with it a little; turn it over in your mind and play with it. Think about what 'balance in life' would look like for you. Would you like to spend more time at work or with your family? Maybe you'd like more adventure in your activities. Do you feel your current social life is fulfilling? And where would you actually like to be? What would your life be like and feel like? Just revel in what could be possible for you if you had all the necessary resources available to do or be whatever it is you want. I dare you to dream. Dream big... And then bigger! It is all your choice!

Marije Miller is a Personal and Professional Coach. She has been on radio and has been interviewed and published on the Internet. Marije can be reached at (530) 274-7568 or coach@yourgreatestlife.com. You can visit her web site at www.yourgreatestlife.com

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