What Is Your Risk-Taking Level?
by Marije Miller

Ever wondered why some people just seem to jump from the one amazing experience to the next, while others seemingly stay in the exact same place for years on end?

Personally, I am always excited by the possibilities change can bring, either for myself or for my clients. One of them, Sally, recently had an interesting and clarifying moment realizing and defining her own risk-taking level. What I mean with risk-taking level is the capability of being comfortable in taking chances in which the outcome is uncertain.

However, it is not to be confused with attaining an adrenaline rush! That is a very different concept. Risk-takers see change as an opportunity to experience or learn about themselves or other subjects of interest. This is why real risk-takers hardly ever fail; they change a failure into success and realize their growth through the process. Each person has his or her own level of risk-taking: ’What is important to recognize is that the evaluation of risk is largely based upon our own level of self-comfort. When our interior is uncharted, the greatest perceived risk is the exposure of one's self.’ (Vanett & Howe-Murphy, 2001) What this means is that when you know and understand your inner self, you are more willing and able to take an ‘educated chance’, based on your capabilities and knowledge of yourself. With a deep knowing that it will always work out for you in the end. However, the key point in this is understanding your deepest reasons for behaving in a certain way, also called your Truths. Clarifying this is a very powerful experience and I always enjoy coaching people in assessing their risk-taking level and finding strategies to increase it to meet their potential.

Sally is currently 34 years old and is at a, for her, crucial moment in her life. Here is the situation she is dealing with: on one hand she wants to settle down in the United States, plant her roots, find a husband and start a family. On the other hand, she would love to travel to South America to teach English for two years. Quite a different prospect! We spent some time coaching around both possibilities and it became clear that her idea to travel was most exciting to her. But we weren’t done, yet. You see, she just didn’t feel completely comfortable with that decision. When we explored the source of that feeling, she mentioned that she had now come to an age in which she should be settling down to start her family. For a coach, whenever the word ‘should’ comes up, it’s like a red flag waving… ‘Sally,’ I asked her ’What happens when you replace ‘should’ with ‘could’?’ With just one word difference this sentence completely changed her feelings: ‘When I say that I could be settling down, it takes the pressure off and makes me realize I really don’t want to settle down just yet! To me, it feels kind of boring!’ Yeah for Sally, I thought!

But when next week came around, Sally again came to the call with some doubts. I usually ask someone to pick a number between 1 and 10 that signifies how truly comfortable they are with their decision. When I asked Sally, she gave me a 7. Clearly, she was still leaning towards the prospect of traveling and teaching, but definitely a bit less than the week before. What a great opportunity for us to look deeper and find out exactly what was at play here! I introduced Sally to a wonderful values- exercise that I can really recommend everyone to take. You can find it at www.Coachville.com. If you are not a member, sign up, it’s FREE! And it offers amazing resources for self-development, coaching or wanting to become a coach. On the web-site you can find this Tru-Values exercise and download it for yourself. (It is recommended to work together with a coach to really benefit from it)

Sally and I played with this exercise for a while and compiled a number of values that are most important to her in her life. Surprise, surprise, her main core value is ‘experiencing’… When put in this perspective, the choice of settling down really didn’t stand a chance. But again, there was something not completely right, although she did pick a definite 9! Closer, but still no cigar.

Then I decided to ask her a question that someone else had pointed out to me before: ‘Sally, whose permission do you need to be completely comfortable with your wish to travel to South America?’ Immediately her answer came: ‘I don’t need anyone’s permission! I’m 34 years old, I make my own decisions!’ I let that sink in for a moment and changed the question to ‘Sally, if there was one person you’d like to hear saying that this traveling is a great idea, who would it be?’ There was complete silence for a moment, then a gasp and an ‘Oh my Lord, it’s my mother! I think I’m still hoping for her approval in this! I know she really wants to see me married and having children..’ Wow! What a big realization for her!

Suddenly it was all clear to her that, even at this age, she still felt that her mother’s expectations of her were stopping her from living her dreams. Whether these expectations of her mother are true or not, is not important. What is important to realize is that Sally had put her own expectations of how she thought her mother would react, as a measuring stick in her own mind. For Sally, to feel both comfortable with her decision as well as making other choices in her life, she would have to take the place of her mother’s expectations and replace them with her own. How could she do that? Well, Sally decided to write her mother a letter in which she asked her to completely support her ideas: ‘Dear Mom, this is what I want you to tell me when I call you to talk about traveling.’ She never sent the letter, but she didn’t need to. The exercise made her realize that now she had the means to make her own choices and feel good about them: she has become her own support group!

So, what defined her risk-taking level? Knowing her background, Sally is a woman with, what I consider, a relatively high risk-taking level. She has traveled by herself for months at a time, when she was younger. She also moved from another country to teach in the United States, 3 years ago. She realized her expectations for herself (settling down, get married and have children) didn’t really honor her values she has for herself (truly and deeply experiencing life). And she realized she wanted validation. Being able to validate her life choices and experiences herself really allows her to be authentic!

Knowing your own risk-taking level allows you the freedom to make your own choices in how you want to live your life. Being aware of using ‘could’ instead of ‘should’ makes a great difference, as well as deeply getting to know yourself. When in doubt, finish the following sentence 3 times: ‘The truth in this is….’ It will assist you in making choices you really want to make for you! Good Luck!

Marije Miller is a Personal and Professional Coach. She has been on radio and has been interviewed and published on the Internet. Marije can be reached at (530) 274-7568 or coach@yourgreatestlife.com. You can visit her web site at www.yourgreatestlife.com

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