A Guiltless Pleasure: Doing what feels good!
by Marije Miller

My youngest daughter is only 2, but I look at her to learn about simple pleasure and enjoying abundance! The other day she asked me for a bagel with cream cheese. I knew that one half would be enough for her, which settled the question of what I was going to have for lunch; the other half of the bagel. No matter that I usually do not eat bagels. I thoroughly enjoy my salad with cheese and crunchy veggies that I normally choose. But since my other daughter was away on a sleep over, there really was no one else to eat the bagel. And wasting food is a difficult thing for someone who grew up with ‘Finish your plate! Those poor starving children in Africa would love to be eating what you have!’ (Which brings me to gratitude, but that is a whole different subject!)

So, as I was observing my daughter enjoying her bagel I was about to tell her to eat whole bites and not just licking the cream cheese off the top of it. And then it hit me: there was such a joy and freedom in the way she savored the cheese! She didn’t eat a bite of her bagel at all. The only reason for her to even ask for the bagel was the taste of the warm and gooey cheese all over her tongue. It wouldn’t even occur to her that it would be wasting a bagel. What a real guiltless pleasure for her!

Imagine trying to squelch that, like it had been in me, when I was a child. So, I didn’t say a word. I just watched her enjoy herself. My husband and I had decided some time ago to stop the guilt trips we played on each other, often without even realizing it. We both want our children to live and make choices without the guilt that ruins so much for many of us. Doing what feels good has become almost impossible for most of us. Our daily lives are so full of responsibilities and expectations, that we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy what and how we are doing things. In my coaching business I specifically work with people who have been playing with an idea, but can’t seem to take action on it. ‘Taking the Risk out of Risk’ is a program that I offer in combination with coaching that reduces people’s apprehension for taking action on things they really want to accomplish for themselves. And guilt often comes up in one form or another.

Linda, a very responsible client, became upset when I suggested to her to only do what felt good. ‘But then I won’t get anything done!’ ‘Hmmm, I’m curious.’ I said. ‘What do you think you would do?’ She said she couldn’t even think of it! Just the mere thought made her very anxious and uncomfortable. So, we came to an agreement: Linda would, for one day that week do only what felt good. To her, this was a stretch. It was a challenge that made her slightly uncomfortable, yet since it was only one day it did offer her some excitement!

When Linda called me the following week, there was such lightness in her voice. I asked her how she had experienced her assignment. Linda said ‘Last Saturday I had my ‘Feel Good’ day! It was amazing! I thought that I would do nothing, you know? Because all my days are usually so very busy, that I really thought that doing nothing was really what I wanted! So I took a bath and I painted my nails. Then I read a book that I have had around for a while, but hadn’t gotten to yet. And then I noticed that I really wanted to do something, besides just laying on the couch! You know what I did? I actually sorted out my pictures and put them nicely in photo albums! Wow, this was something I had dreaded doing for almost a year. And now it’s all done! Do you want to know why?

Because I told myself to do it only until it wouldn’t feel good anymore. And, since I gave myself permission to stop when I would want to, I could start it. It didn’t have to be finished, although I did finish it. The great thing is: I had a really good time going through my photo’s and now that it’s all done, it really feels like an accomplishment and a relief! No more stacks of yellow photo envelopes in the corner!’

Giving yourself permission to enjoy the process opens up possibilities for yourself and others. You give yourself space and you allow others space in the process. So here is your assignment for this month: one day per week do only what you really want to do. Be kind to yourself and you automatically are kind to others. Enjoy yourself and you will share your joy with others. And it also works the other way: don’t do things that hurt you, because you automatically hurt others, too.

And if anyone questions you taking time for yourself, just tell them ‘Because my coach said so!’

Marije Miller is a Personal and Professional Coach. She has been on radio and has been interviewed and published on the Internet. Marije can be reached at (530) 274-7568 or coach@yourgreatestlife.com. You can visit her web site at www.yourgreatestlife.com

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