Changing
by Carol Singleton, Auburn Journal

Originally published in the Auburn Journal Newspaper (Auburn, CA), Sunday, January 04, 2004. Reprinted with permission.

Editor’s note: Many use the New Year as an opportunity to make changes in their lives. They realize they are dissatisfied with their jobs, their bodies or their personal lives. In an effort to discuss the various aspects of change – mind, body and spirit – I interviewed three experts, each one representing one of these components. – Carol Singleton (formerly Neilsen, I’m making changes, too.)

Changing Your Mind
Marije Miller, Life Coach

After years of living a particular way, many people fall into a comfort zone, which is often very difficult and even scary to leave, said Marije Miller, a certified life coach.

Marije Miller, a certified life coach, plays in the yard with her two daughters, Mycah, 5, and Ayla, 2, near her home in Grass Valley. As a life coach, Miller helps people clarify what’s important to them, so they can create a life that more fully matches their core values. Karina Williams/Auburn Journal

Miller, a Grass Valley resident, is in the business of helping people change. But many of her clients aren’t exactly sure about what transformations they want to make.

“A life coach in conversation finds out what you really want,” Miller said. “Many people have this unidentified feeling. They think, ‘I thought my life was something more.’ Most of my clients are people who spend their workday secretly wishing they were somewhere else.”

Once Miller helps people identify what’s really important to them – their core values – she then helps them achieve their dreams.

“Once you figure out what is really important to you, you can figure out the changes to make. It’s easier to create a vision if you know what is important to you,” Miller said.

One client of Miller’s, a woman in her 30s, was feeling like it was time for her to settle down and start a family. After several sessions, the woman realized that the idea of starting a family was really what her family wanted for her, not what she wanted for herself. What she desired was to travel more.

“She is now working in an international school in Honduras,” Miller said. “Once she realized that the tape in her head that she needed to settle down was her mother’s, she was able to clarify her own values.”

Miller, a mother of two, said in order to make real changes, people must first overcome the many restrictions they put on themselves. Working moms are particularly hard on themselves, she said.
“People have to overcome their fears before they can more forward,” Miller said. “One technique I use is called ‘feeling fully.’ I have people envision what is really painful or scary. I have them locate that feeling in their body. They’ll get to the bottom of the feeling and go through it, and sometimes it disappears.”
Once clients are able to confront the fear and reject the tape in their head that tells them they can’t do something – because they have children or don’t have the money for example – they are able to move forward and make changes.

“It’s never too late to change,” Miller said. “It can be very exciting, but you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone. There is a very fine line between comfort zone and fear and it is called excitement. It’s this excitement that will keep your momentum going.”

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